Christmas 40 years ago

 

Christmas 40 years ago. Would you look at that cute couple, he with facial hair and both with long hair and matching white pants. That was our first Christmas, 1980. Picture taken at his parents house, Bonita CA. Not the best picture taken of a picture but the original is 40 years old. Would we have wanted to know all that we were to face in the coming years? Probably not. I’m afraid I would have seen only the pain and troubles and overlooked all the joy and happiness. It’s not always easy to focus on the positive but that is definitely what I will be doing today. Today would have been David’s 73^rd birthday. The only thing I am going to do to mark this day is not open one of my daily gifts from my sister, Barb. If you have been following on FB you will see that she has once again sent me a Sunshine Basket with 7 individually wrapped presents to be opened one day at a time over the week. It is quite fun, just small, often silly gifts but a bright spot in the day. Our mother did this for friends over the years when they needed a little pick me up. Give it a try. It’s fun putting the gifts together and fun for the receiver too. I think there are even rules to follow but we’ve modified them to fit us. Barb didn’t know how fitting it was that the instructions she gave me this time was to open several, then pause, then resume opening. And that’s why I will not open today, on what would have been a day, all about David!

Oh and the other thing I’m doing in reference to this day, is post another blog. This blog is to focus on not what I’ve lost but what I was given over the almost 40 years of sharing my life with the Big D.

Such as: There was the year before we were full time RVing. I thought I’d better prepare my family to have Christmas without us as we traveled the USA in our RV. Afterall up until then I’d spent every single Christmas day with them and enjoyed the dinner my mother labored over for days only to devour in one sit down meal. Well, there were leftovers which I still miss on the days after Christmas. My parents, sister and brother-in-law were dining at a Mexican food restaurant we often frequented. I made the big announcement that this particular year we were flying to visit David’s older brother and his family in Florida for the holidays and take in Walt Disney World. My brother-in-law, knowing how much my sister loves all things Disney, immediately popped up and said we’ll go too. Soon my dad decided he and my mother would drive to meet us there. What! Not my plan at all. Everyone did go and we had a great time. I have pictures to prove it but they are not on this computer so can’t share. (Barb do you have a picture you can post in the comments?)

And of course 1980, the very first Christmas we had together. It started a few days before Christmas with an Anderson family gathering at Disneyland Anaheim CA. My first introduction to most of the family. One great group picture of Anderson’s at the entrance. The family has both grown and shrunk since then, anyone have a copy they can post under the comments?

Other the years we often returned to San Diego for Christmas with a few in other locations. My favorite was Las Vegas. I loved the outlandish decorations. Casinos really go all out. It would take days to get around to see them all. The best outdoor decorations were at the Ethel M Botanical cactus desert. Every cactus was heavily decorated in lights, even those already heavily covered in thorns. Of course, I had to ask how do you get all these lights up? And his answer – very carefully! Ha Ha

Another lavish decorating feat is on Cruise lines, wait that was a Halloween cruise I get abundance of decorations mixed up.

Lots of ordinary, routine type Christmases too. But looking back were they really ordinary and routine, no, every one was special because we were together. Oh, how easily I took them for granite, thinking that if something wasn’t perfect, I could try again next year. Not realizing that each one was perfect in every way. Grateful that I have had each one, warts and all?!

Thanks for letting me share today and some memories with you. Make moments matter, moments make up your memories. I’m grateful for all the perfect memories I have, even if time has added a few select alterations. Happy Holidays

My "safe family" for the holidays

 

sideways Christmas

During this time of social distancing, I’ve found a new "family". Quite by accident I found out my sister, Barb, had the complete set of CD’s for the tv series NYPD Blue. I’ve probably watched them all as they were on originally. Now, having the whole set and being able to watch several “shows” at once, I’ve adopted them as my new family. I figure it’s safe for them to come into my home! I won't get into trouble with the number of visitors or the hours they come and go. I’m enjoying seeing familiar faces and ones that, at the time, I didn’t know but have since seen them on other shows. They look so young in those early episodes.

Spoiler alert: Bobby Simone (Jimmy Smits) is killed off after 5 seasons. I’d forgotten this. He is ill and eventually succumbs to his illness. I went through about ½ box of tissues. But what was interesting to me, I felt like I was at the same time reliving my experience with David. Not in a bad way, like an observer. The unknown, the worry and fear, the waiting for yet another test to tell us/them what was wrong. Finding out it wasn’t “that” awful thing, only to find out it was something worse. The decisions needed; the doctor’s opinions varied by doctor specialty. The agony of the entire experience. It seemed fitting that I watched this almost a year to the day of David’s Transition. Allowed me to somewhat come to terms with the experience. It also brought home that this was not just my loss; as was shown my the whole department (unreal as it is) being effected by their loss.

It was all written and acted so well, felt very realistic. Later I read that it was actually based on the experience of one of the writers. “Hearts and Souls” episode was a critical and commercial success. It got high ratings and positive feedback and is thought of as one of the greatest in tv history. I agree. It’s been interesting – won’t go so far as to say educational! – and fun reading up on the background of filming, plots etc.

One last attachment I have to this series. The Twin Towers are in the weekly opening before the show starts. And in occasional shots in the episodes. Every time I see them, I think about the cruise with an overnight stop in New York. David and I went to ground zero. It was a very moving experience. We made a short tour, there was much more to see and experience but David’s energy was very limited. In fact, that was the last cruise we made and it was cut short. David lovingly claimed I was trying to do him in on that cruise. It turned out yet another of his stints developed an infection and turned sepsis. It really is a miracle that David managed to leave the cruise and fly home under his own steam. They had wanted to helo him off the ship but the weather was so bad, no helicopters would fly. The ship wasn’t able to port at Martha’s Vineyard, as planned, hence the overnight in New York after some random circles in the ocean. Another miracle that David rallied enough to do a night and then day tour of some New York sights. I think the next day found him back in sick bay. So when I see those Twin Towers standing tall before they fell, I have so many memories. Where I was when they were struck by terrorists; years later to be walking where they stood. I can’t imagine what it must bring up for so many others. Life is full of tragedy’s and sadness. I wouldn’t presume to know or understand how anyone else feels. I’m just sharing how I feel, it helps me and even better if it can help anyone else along the way.  

I’ll stop here so I can get back to more NYPD Blue shows. It was pretty groundbreaking. May not be your cup of tea but I am enjoying both the show and reliving moments it brings to mind. Hey, I needed to get away from puzzles! And since I won’t be gift wrapping any presents – or will I?

Enjoy

Learning to take care of me

 November 20, 2020 - magical birthday?

Leading up to my birthday which will be followed by the day David took flight to another dimension there was a bit of apprehension for me. One grief meeting talked about making plans for that day, even if you didn’t follow through to at least have a plan in place. That seemed like a good idea. I thought I’d start with planning my birthday day. An opportunity presented itself and I jumped at it; without giving it much thought. I intuitively knew it was the right thing to do. It gave me some days of planning; prepping; shopping. I gave it all a lot of attention, not because it was needed but because I could. I also made a bigger deal out of than was called for; again, because I could. The idea was to have one of our (park) coffee and donuts held at my site. Flyers were printed up (thanks Chuck); posting on FB and much talking about it in our Community Central Park. I got some ribbing and loved every minute of it. Most folks knew the back story of it being my first solo (sounds better than widowed) birthday with “that angel” date closely following. The morning came and I did set up in the dark! Forgot the sun doesn’t rise at 6 in the winter. Thanks Randy and Sheila for your help and contribution, and all others that helped in various ways or just showed up. Nearly everyone brought a card and even some gifts. I was really honored and even humbled that so many would take the time and trouble to wish me happy birthday. Thanks to the 136 people that showed up; all wearing masks and maintain social distancing (is it fake news if its in a blog) ok that last line contains a bit of exaggeration…

Later I was taken to lunch by some friends outside the park. Lunch and ice cream along with an entire carrot cake, my favorite with lots of icing (and she didn’t even know that). So if I haven’t fluffed up with the whole isolation thing, after today I made up for it. More walks up and down the park rows is now on the agenda.

I really can not express the warm, loved, blessed feelings I received today. There are not words, certainly not any that I know, that can begin to tell you how everyone past and present helped me through this day. I am so happy that I took the initiative to go out of my comfort zone and basically ask people to be there for me in a variety of ways. If I hadn’t stepped up, I very well could have spent the day alone and lonely. Instead I got an outpouring of love and not just today; it spilled over my whole “birthday week”. And biggest surprise, it turned out easy to do.

By the way, I received more than one puzzle and I’m excited to start any of them. I’ll do them in the order received. I wonder how folks knew puzzles would be a great gift! LOL

What’s the disclaimer about not leaving out thanks to anyone – insert here. 😊

Turning a memory from sad to happy-sad; more taking care of myself:

David and I used to watch the show Cold Case. In the theme song there was a moment of a loud long sound. We would always make the crazy sound together. Recently I discovered old shows on an obscure channel. I started re-watching Cold Case. Every time they played the theme song (that’d be every show), I would remember and visualize David making the odd sound. While out shopping with my sister recently I was sharing this experience with her. I tried to remind her of the theme and the sound. I made the sound and we both laughed so hard. I thought, she’s not getting it and I’d make the sound again. And again, we would laugh, we laughed until we cried.

I’m still watching some of these old reruns. Now when I hear the theme song, I have a warm feeling and a smile. A brief memory of my dear David and then the recent joy of laughing with my sister. I haven’t forgotten the shared moments with David, only enhanced them by adding a layer of a new memory.

Another hurdle, biggest day(?) will be here soon. Maybe I’ll reread all my birthday cards and focus on all that joy and otherwise let the day pass quietly. I’m busy finding out who Marilyn is on her own, who she grew up to be with a heavy touch of David H Anderson thrown in!

I’d like to end this with a clever tag line, but that is still a work in progress. Thank you all.

 

Yuma for the Winter

I’ve been here (Yuma tiny home) a week now, my tiny home for the winter, or so I’m planning. I’ve done the drive back and forth enough that it is routine; easy peasy. Another milestone for me as I previously considered myself not that fond of driving. As I drive, I always wonder what I might have forgotten and if any issues happened while I was away. Everything looked find.  I entered; I was met with an interesting discovery. David’s hat had fallen from its hook on the wall. I used those removable books to hang our hats and various other items around the house. Everything else was hanging as I’d hung them. David’s hat was lying on the bookcase top below where it had hung next to my hat (still hanging).

Does it mean something? These hats were hung in a handy place, ready to grab as we go out the door. Many photos and memories of David wearing his tilly. I always got a kick out of how upset David would get with people out hiking the trails with no head covering, especially kids. That was a big deal to him. Also have a great photo of him and his dad side by side wearing their tillys looking very much alike and happy out in the Anza Borrego desert.

Maybe David’s just saying hello and welcome home or maybe its time to put his hat in the closet or donate for more memories to be created. Maybe it’s just one more step forward. I don’t need to see his hat hanging for a reminder, the memories are there with or without a physical reminder. And it doesn’t really make an interesting or attractive wall decoration. 😊

As far as being in Yuma, this is the right place for now. This is the community life that works while I need this extra distraction and people to chat with just about any time of the day or night. The activities are nonexistent for now. Which means my activities treasurer job is about the same, nonexistent. However, gatherings and fun still occur. The park had a really fun Halloween gold cart parade with treats and costume judging in Central Park afterwards. Central Park was an unused area in the park that has been turned into a gathering space with “lawn” and tables, etc. There were a lot of laughs and I really enjoyed myself; meeting and reacquainting with neighbors. I am also putting forth effort to get out and walk the park roads once or twice a day; sometimes it turns into visiting and not so much walking but that’s good for the soul. (don’t worry about my ability to social distance, I know how)

This Friday is coffee and donuts. I’m not really big on donuts but will have my share of coffee and taking notes because as a birthday present to myself I’m having coffee and donuts at my site on the 20^th. I’ll be a young 69 years old, is that amazing or what. I’m doing it to continue to become part of the community and fellowship of the park and to acknowledge the “last first”. This is the last holiday/event that I will be celebrating “alone” for the first time. It’s hard to grasp that a mere 5 days later will be the first angel-versay of David’s passing. (I continue to try out different words and terms until I find something that feels right in expressing what I feel – probably won’t happen).

My celebration of David’s life begins with the gathering (you know he loved having people around) and will continue by doing thoughtful things for others. Maybe a special, unexpected gift or some act of kindness given to pass along caring and sharing, no matter how large or small. Perhaps as we enter the holiday season you could commemorate David by passing along some of your own “random acts of kindness”.

Thanks for reading and trudging the road with me.

Life Certificate

 

Believe it or not,
I am still dealing with name changes and legal documents. I had to once again send along a Death certificate, which brought up the following:

He is gone, and I am here. So I am wondering now to myself, where is my "Certificate of Life"? Where is the form that gives me the permission, the courage, the energy and the will to keep on living through such pain and fear and guilt and worry and second guessing and longing and regret and remembering and losing and struggling?  Where is MY certificate?  I think it might be a good idea to have those. I think I will make one for myself. And it will say something like this:

Certificate of Life:

This certificate is hereby given to you in recognition of the continuance of your life without your husband. It happened this day, this hour, this minute, this place, etc.  You did not die with him although at times you will feel you have. You are certified as living. This means that you will most likely endure a great deal of pain from this loss, because you are alive. You are certified as living, and therefore, you will have to find a way to accept this state of life, and to continue on living, because, you are indeed, alive.

This certificate of life also entitles you to treat yourself as living, meaning to participate in life (to the best of your ability) as much as possible given the circumstances surrounding your present state of living. It also certifies that since you are living, you deserve all the good things that life has to offer (as soon as you are ready to accept them) because, you are in fact, alive. You are entitled breathe, cry, scream, sulk, yell, work, eat, play, sing, dance, sleep, smile, laugh and dream. You may participate in anything you wish that life has to offer because, you are alive.

Be sure to show this certificate to anyone who questions your behavior and be sure to look at it yourself as well - to remind yourself that you are ALIVE.

I think I will print my certificate on some very fancy paper, and frame it and put it up on the wall next to the pictures of David and I - because I need reminding. 

 

This is very fitting for me just extremely difficult to put into practice. Especially with the limitations due to Covid 19. I stole this from someone else. Feel free to steal this from me. And maybe no matter your situation; put into practice.

 

I am in my gathering phase. That’s gathering “this n that” to put in my go to Yuma pile. I plan to be there by Halloween at the latest and stay until April. That’s the plan which is always subject to change. I’ve been through the holidays without David, but it was such a blur that I imagine I’ll notice his absence this season. Another reason for my certificate of life. I’m looking for ways to reach out to others, keeping myself occupied with giving and not focused so much on what I don’t have. Rather what I have and can give/do since cruises on ships are not a current option!

Barb, my sister, and I getting out for shopping and lunch. 

Thanks for reading. I haven’t posted in some time and may not again or for a while.

Solo Trip Complete

My accommodations at the destination of my first solo road trip:

A 40’ Kountry Star by Newmar. It brings back a lot of memoires of my own Newmar DutchStar. Wow I forgot how big these rigs are. Maybe not too big for daily living but I’m thinking about driving down the highway. I am amazed that David and I traveled, how many miles in our “Dutchy”, a lot. Our Dutchy was only a single living room slide this is a double slide so a little more room. If you aren’t an RVer, this may not be of any interest. But it’s fascinating to me! It’s funny there are so many things unique to full time RVing. It’s fun remembering all the advantages and disadvantages, all the travel excitement and occasional crisis. Being able to share my memories with someone who totally gets it and has similar memories is a real healing experience. How blessed am I that I’m able to do this.

And guess what, you all better watch out. All this RV talk and reminiscing is making me think about getting my own small van outfitted and doing some solo traveling. It’s fun to think about even if I don’t do it. I know I said I didn’t want to travel on my own and didn’t want to keep “Mercy” and travel in that van but a slightly smaller shorter, less RV fixtured van might be more manageable and would have the added feature of being totally mine. My memories are not gone or faded but sometimes I don’t want them right in my face. (7 years and over 60,000 miles together in Mercy).

OK, I’m back! My first solo adventure was a total success. I was surprised how easily I did the daily miles. Admittedly the final day, driving back to El Cajon got too long. I didn’t stop enough and next time, maybe I should plan for that to be a short drive. I was trying to be heading south before it got into “rush hour” traffic. That and two traffic issues (a round robin to remove bales of hay from the road way and a small fire at another spot) didn’t help.

I’m proud of myself and really glad I made this stretch out of my comfort zone. I now have an even bigger comfort zone! And special thanks to my friend, thanks for the invitation and the sharing of laughter and tears and memories of our loved ones. Such a beautiful and peaceful place; starlit night skies including the Neowise comet.

Had planned to share more of the experiences and sights but not feeling it right now. For those of you on FB; you got a couple pictures. Maybe next time, I’ll post more. Yes! There will be a next time!

Til next time…

First Solo Road Trip

Hooray, I did it! I safely arrived in Fairplay, CO, just over 1,000 miles. All driven by me – well of course because it was only me. Although it was only me physically in the car, mentally and emotionally the car was very full. I felt I had each and every one of you encouraging me along the way.

At every stop I hand sanitized and masked up. Everyone I came into contact with was also masked and many behind plexiglass – wish I’d had the insight to invest of plexiglass.

Thank goodness it was a pretty straight drive, I did have my google maps, so I didn’t get lost. There was only one tiny slip up, leaving the hotel I knew how I needed to go and immediately got on the 70 W on ramp. Oops, that should have been 70 E. I have west so ingrained for getting to San Diego that I goofed. It was only a couple miles to get off and get back on in the correct direction. I was a little glad I had made this mistake as I know in the back of my mind I was just waiting to screw up!

The car did a great job and with so much interstate, got extra good mileage. A friend had recorded some listening for me on an MP3 player but I could not get it to play. Might be operator error. I tried a couple things and even my ear buds. I’ll have to take some time to figure it out for the return trip. I do have Sirius so had noise for the ride. However, one friend (the friend I’m staying with) suggests I should have a couple hours every now and then of just quiet. Hmm Maybe…

OK, time to go sightseeing and hiking, back at ya later.

Yesterday visited Garden of the Gods. Some of you may have seen that on FaceBook. What a beautiful place. We got in a lot of walking/hiking; enjoyed a picnic lunch; got caught in quite a hail storm on the way home. The hail storm was heavy enough that we pulled off the road; not the side of the road. We pulled into a side road so we were safely out of traffic. The hail did come down hard and heavy for a bit.

As happens, it was another gorgeous sunny day afterwards. Off now to do laundry. Well, it can’t all be fun and sightseeing!

A box of pudding

I’m back at the El Cajon family home. This became associated with all things medical. Family home, yes, but I had never actually lived here. My parents bought it right after I left home. (do I fill in with the story of my getting married at 17 – not David). I never planned to live here. While traveling, David and I did stay here occasionally. Sometimes in the motorhome parked on the street (shhh); sometimes inside in the “real bed” – Rvers will get that reference.   But with David’s diagnosis and the chemo treatments etc, this became “medical home” away from home(s) the Yuma park model and the 24’ motorhome.

So we filled up the cupboards. Eventually we added special food and new food and trial foods; to meet David’s declining appetite and desire for food. This brings me to the box of pudding, not one but two. Pudding, sugar free, was a favorite for David to make and eat. It was a nice light, no sugar, desert. He would often whip up a batch and evenly divide into 4 servings for us to enjoy over the next two evenings. Now what am I to do? I can figure out how to make it; but do I want pudding over four nights? Do I even want pudding? It was really what I think of as a David desert. I lean towards ice cream.

Another task that never made my master list. Hadn’t given this need a thought. This house has my office supplies. Printing new address labels, saving new files. This was yet another strange and somewhat difficult task. As I needed to send an occasional mail, I cut off the DMA line and pasted on the return label with just the street address. In an effort to move forward, I pulled up the DMA address print file and back spaced; deleting “David &”. Its almost a shock to the system; am I erasing David? Does he cease to exist as I save over the old file and now have only my name? Because I have summer, winter, legal domicile; I had to repeat three times; maybe that was to cement it in my mind.

Here's a nice realization. For some reason I am able to read and watch tv in the “man cave”. It’s the second bedroom that was set up for David. It has comfort in the way of an electric bed; tv; view out the sliding glass doors to the pergola and flowers in the back yard. A table that will hold remotes and snacks. It makes me very happy because it is quite comfortable and relaxing. I know that David got enjoyment from the room setting and surroundings. He would often turn on one of the calm; meditative music channels on the tv; eased him through his many naps. I’m grateful to know he had this retreat.

I’ll end on a pleasant note by stopping here. Thanks for allowing me to share my journey with you. Does anybody want some pudding?

rocks and meds

A couple of friends and I are going to paint rocks in memory of loved ones who have passed. I am going to place them around the fire pit where I (we) occasionally had gatherings. Not an original idea, saw this at a place and I liked the idea. I already have a rock in the flower bed that I privately call “mom” as it marks some of her ashes. (it will soon get an official painting)

Of course, this has been in the back of my mind for David. I came up with the idea of asking to take a rock from a Yuma friend’s back yard. This was the last place David visited in Yuma. She was having a birthday party for herself and I was glad we were able to attend. We left earlier than I had expected but David was ready and we still had the drive to El Cajon. I had thought we would be back to Yuma in a week or so as we had been doing. This friend was then going to then have a birthday party for me. However, that never happened; we, together, had had out last Yuma trip.

Recently I shared my idea. My friend was happy to supply me with a rock for this special project. It’s Yuma so her yard, like so many here, has a lot of rock “landscaping”. I found a rock then looked just a little bit more and found the just right one. A heart shaped rock! It’s perfect. Now its just a matter of actually getting out the paint and following through on this memorial project. Even if I don’t get around to actually painting, when I look at it, I’ll have some special memories.

California here I come and go again. I’ve been to CA and back twice in the last two days and it only took about ½ hour! OK, it was only to the Winterhaven post office. I had to pick up medication. I constantly get emails about saving money and time and in these days contact exposure so please use mail order prescriptions. Nice idea, and convenient but then they stopped mailing outside of California. I don’t understand this at all; not sure whose brilliant idea this was. I’m glad this didn’t come into being until after we stopped full timing. Bottom line, I came up with my own brilliant idea, have the meds sent to the CA post office, general delivery. Winterhaven is just a hop, skip, and jump from me. I’ll need to work on my timing and fine tune getting vacation supply meds, etc. General Delivery only allowed once a year. But this sure worked for right now.

I’ve recently been having some dental adventures but fortunately for you all, I’m done typing for now!

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.

Quanitity or Quality and the Dentist

What about the quality of life? Sorry folks but this isolation and insane mandates do not provide any quality of life I am interested in. David and I had more than one discussion on how important the quality of life was to each of us and to us as a couple. This current situation would not meet our criteria. Our criteria – I’m saying this for me. No friends and family visits or hugs, no sitting on the beach watching the waves roll in, no… you get my point. While the last 4 years were extremely difficult, we did have quality time. We were able to plan with a real likelihood that we would (and did) make some trips. We were able to even do something like attend an early, not to crowded movie theater. That included wiping down seats, ours and those next to us, sitting in the back so no sneezes carried onto us (David). We were able to attend Washington DC Advocacy Day, which for this year has been cancelled. We took necessary precautions and last trip even a wheelchair. Well, ok, the wheelchair has nothing to do with “isolation” except that we had our wipes to sanitize the one we borrowed. There were times when it felt right for David to wear a face mask. We joined friends for gatherings, no handshakes, fist bumps only (hence the name of his PanCAN Purple Stride Team name).

What I’m trying to get at is that we/David took risks because without participating in life, being with friends, doing service by way of the PanCAN events and outings in general, what was the point. The last year outings were very curtailed but those few short wheelchair strolls, fresh air, sightseeing, were vital to each of our attitudes.

I miss David like the dickens. There are no words. While it seems, he died “before his time” I know that it was exactly his time. For whatever reasons and whatever your beliefs, he is gone. And guess what, we will all have our “time”, young or old, sick or healthy. Sure we ought to do what we can to live long, I eat healthy and exercise regularly. Or at least until the pandemic “rules” curtailed some of my Freedoms to walk and shop as I wished.

Yes, I realize this is serious, my blog, my opinion. But pandemic doesn’t mean panic, which seems to be the interpretation, it means widespread.

Wearing a mask is like the Amber alerts; neither is necessarily helpful but it makes “us” feel like we are doing some good!

Here’s what happening in sweltering Yuma. Dental appointment. I’ve had bad experience with dental. Once I ended up in the hospital from an infection after a tooth extraction. It was quite serious. My sister, Barb, probably remembers the phone call. She gets a lot of panic calls from me and always comes to my rescue! Anyway, dental issues and appointments fill me with dread. I’m having a crown replaced. Yesterday while sitting in the chair I tried meditating to calm myself. It came to me that David bravely sat through many more serious appointments and procedures. He used meditation to calm and relax and finish that particular procedure to move him along to the next challenge. That helped me. And I felt close to David. It was nice that the picture I had to look at was of beautiful clear blue waters; tiki huts on the beach. Reminded me very much of the 3 days we had in Tahiti way back in 1984! David had me take a photo of him coming out of the gorgeous water shaking water drops from his long hair. It was to be a take off of some famous actor and a similar scene. I’ve forgotten who he was trying to imitate but I sure remember that photo in my mind. No idea if/where that photo may be today. This was before digital and storing all your vaca photos on a thumb drive.

I’ll leave you with that enchanting memory. Really sorry I don’t have that photo to post. The long hair alone might give you all a chuckle. Not yet, but soon I hope to compile some kind of collage of David photos. I know it will make me laugh, cry, and fondly remember lots of good times.

Easters Remembered

Easters remembered

Many an Easter was spent in Borrego Springs. And often many of the younger Anderson’s were there for Spring Break. That’s back when there was a common one week break from school. Mainly it was the CAMA Anderson’s and sometimes even CAMA themselves (more on who CAMA is later).

Which of you remember the hike to a desert oasis which turned out to be a small puddle of water? There we shared oranges. Our reward for the hike? David nor Janie/Mama joined us for that hike. They were the smart ones that day. We, who went, gave Papa a bad time about that hike that seemed long and hot.

Another hike to the top of the ridge behind Desert Sands, where Mama and Papa lived. In my attempt to save one of my nephews from a chollas cactus, I got near enough that it “jumped” onto my leg. David took out his comb and removed the offending piece of cactus. Later I had several nice red welts to show for my efforts. I’m not sure but I think it was Peter who I was attempting to save. Was it?

Don’t tell anybody but once travel to CA is “deemed safe”, some of David’s’ ashes will be joining those of Nana and Janie/Mama. Borrego holds many fond memories of camping/RVing, hiking, family gatherings, 4 wheel rides and desert blooms. It will always be a special place. Many happy hours have been spent in and around that area.

Many of you reading this will know who CAMA is and the story behind initials. When David and I first got together and sent or received mail, we used the initials DAMA – David Anderson Marilyn Archer, that became our identifier. And it caught on with the rest of the Andersons and the folks, RAJA, incorporated theirs into a couple of personalized license plates. After I somewhat reluctantly changed my name to Anderson (only because name change is such a hassle, about as much of a hassle as becoming a person again after the death of your husband who “owned” everything. LOL) It then stood for David and Marilyn Anderson. So now I am just MA, sure do miss DA.

Grateful that David is not here now during this isolation. He was very much a people person and I’m not sure how he would do with out people contact. However, now that I think about it, guess his last weeks, if not months was with very little friend/family contact. That’s not counting doctors and nurses, as he had chemo and even a CT right til the very end. And while not family, they certainly were caring. Even my last phone conversation with David’s oncologist, he said how he enjoyed talking with David, wait, I think that was his GP who called to offer his condolences and ask if I needed anything. The accuracy of my memory is greatly suspect these days!

I just came in from the Golf Cart Easter Parade around our park and the neighbor park. 29 carts, 2 bicycles and 2 scooters. What fun! See pictures on FB. It’s a little bitter sweet. I am with a new group of friends, heading forward to new adventures. I think David would be happy that I have gotten involved and joined in activities. Only a few knew or met David which is a mixed bag of thoughts and feelings. That makes it easier or is it harder? Either way, I am grateful that I am exactly in the right place at the right time. Give hugs to those you can, call or text those you can’t hug right now.

 Happy Easter.

April Fools

Hair and nail salons are closed! What am I going to look like in 30 days? Oh, wait, I do my own hair and nails so guess I don’t have that excuse. Being housebound does not mean one can forego grooming. Golly, wouldn’t it be nice if we woke up tomorrow and this was all a big April Fools…

Just got in from a new social distancing happy hour, riding up and down the rows of our 2 parks in golf carts, electric scooters and even a couple on bikes. I rode with a friend; I refuse to get a golf cart (for the time being). It was fun. There were quite a few and still people in their RVs and park models to wave to us. We stayed 6 feet from each other.

This isolation has given me time to watch movies. Dish, my tv provider has generously given us some free movie channels. I do appreciate it but have gone through just about all the movies they are offering that look slightly interesting. Maybe they’ll change weekly or add some new ones occasionally. Some of these movies are a real waste of time but notice I sit and watch the whole thing anyway. A couple have ended, abruptly in my opinion. One I even googled to see if I could understand what the heck was the point.

I watched Five Feet Apart. That’s about the two young people that fall in love while under treatment at a hospital. They are supposed to keep six feet apart (sound familiar) but a cue stick is 5 feet and they had one so used that for their distance. If I’d seen it a year ago or even next year, I probably would not have taken it quite so to heart and sobbed my eyes out. Not totally realistic but decent movie.

Another one I enjoyed was Poms. That’s where Diane Keaton moves to a retirement village and starts a cheer leading club. There was one part I really liked but I won’t give anything away. I don’t know how I missed seeing this before but I felt this one was worth my time. Maybe I related too much to the village!

I do hope everyone is safe and comfortable. It’s hard not to get a little anxious, unless you turn off the news. I think this is the perfect place to be. People near but not too near. Safe, level place to walk, get exercise and some sun.

And since I am on my own, the tv is mine. I can watch all the sappy, crappy movies I want! I am watching what might be a lot of tv, don’t know. I also puzzle and do some word puzzle books. And I am getting a kick out of some of the FB jokes. I know this is a serious situation but I have to keep my sense of humor.

I’ve posted a picture of my Yu-man and friend decorated for Easter; the verbena that has grown and added a lot of blooms. My idea of gardening.

Enjoy this “house arrest”; if you are enclosed with family, give them a hug instead of a glare. Many of us solos would love to trade places with you – or maybe not!

Virtual hugs to all

Earthquake! and misc

Earthquake, brought out everyone in the park, but we are in Yuma in a 55+ park so many were already in their jammies! 5.5 at Mexicali 8:54 pm Friday, 03/07/2020

I volunteered to help out at the Can Am games. That’s a park wide competition between the Canadians and the Americans. A lot of silly games and raffles. It was a fun day. Last year I knew it was going on but didn’t even go out to look. David had just re-started the chemo dance, I mean treatment. He wasn’t necessarily feeling too bad at that point but being cautious with exposure to people. So this year I was out and about for both of us. I was hawking 50/50 tickets like a real pro. Walking up to strangers, walking into the office, in other words doing what I learned from David. That’s a lot of what he did when we were selling advertising while full timing in our RV. I’d say the stakes were not as high because no money (for me) was involved but actually the stakes were much higher. This was about me continuing to move forward – and taking a little bit of David along with me.

It was a beautiful day. I met lots of new people, now if I could just remember their names…

Don’t tell anyone but the Treasurer job is terrific. They are thanking me for stepping up to fill the position when it should be me, thanking them for giving me some purpose, reason, activity and time line for my Arizona living.

I was counting up the cash box and dealing with all these loose coins. I don’t mind, it reminds me of years ago when my dad was treasurer at the church. He’d bring home the bags of money after Sunday’s collection to count and deposit. I can still see our red kitchen table covered in coins. We helped count and roll them up. And we got into a little bit of coin collecting. (We were very careful about putting in exact amount of any coins we wanted for our coin collection) Maybe that’s were my love of money and numbers all began!

Meanwhile, I want to again thank my sister, Barb, for the Sunshine Bags. Their arrival was very timely and very much enjoyed. If you missed the original postings, it’s basically a nice bag or basket filled with numbered gifts to open, only one, each day as marked. One of David’s gifts was a gift card to Jack in the Box because he had a brief spell of enjoying their French fries and any extra calorie was welcome. Sadly, he didn’t get a chance to use the gift card. Some of you know there are some strange things I have a fear of doing; one of them is Drive thrus! Well, because this was a gift from my sister, I really wanted to use it. Congratulations to me! I have now gone to the drive thru at least 3x. And in keeping with the original intended use, I ordered an Oreo shake and French fries!

I’ve got another Disneyland puzzle going. On loan from a gal a few doors down. And another neighbor gave me a couple of “boards” for turning over pieces. Puzzles are not getting done as fast with the treasurer job but couldn’t completely stop. I have to be careful because office and puzzle table are one in the same. Keeps it interesting.

Give someone a hug or at least a smile. How was your week?

Verbena

“Maybe David is the verbena.” That’s what someone said to me after I shared that I shed a few tears when I saw the first verbena of the season. Because I knew David would not be seeing verbena with me again. We had both so delighted in spotting the first of the desert blooms. And appropriately verbena is purple which is the color of pancreatic cancer awareness.

Well, I liked that thought; especially when I pulled into my Yuma lot and there squeezing between the Mexican bricks was a tiny verbena with one beautiful bloom. That stray plant now has 3 blooms. It’s not really a place to be growing but I’ll be darned if I’m pulling it out.

I’ve been attending some grief support meetings. Helpful to a point. One thing they emphasize is to tell people what you want. So here are two things that I’d appreciate. Rather than ask me how I’m doing, how about, Good to see you. I know that “how ya doin” is not a real question (unless you have unlimited time and tissues). But it makes me feel obligated to say I’m fine. A, good to see you greeting is less stressful! But if you forget, that’s ok.

The other thing I need is someone who knows how to delete shows/folder off Dish Hopper. I don’t want to figure it out, I just want the David folder deleted. For some reason seeing his shows and especially one partially watched is painful. Next time I’m in San Diego. Anybody?

I’ve got a new pastime. Puzzles will be put on hold temporarily. I am treasurer for the park I’m in. This will be a whole new set of folks and activities. Normally David and I got involved when we stayed in an RV park for any length of time. We had planned to do that here. However, since our time here was all based on treatments and activity limited by how David felt; we never really participated. I think David would approve of my stepping up to the job. It opens up a whole different aspect of being here. For one thing, I’ll need to be here November to March. Another bonus is food. I’m not yet good at eating responsibly. Since I’m the treasurer I felt obligated to join in the chili cook off (as an eater, not a cooker) so there’s a meal taken care of. And I’ll be helping serve at the volunteer dinner which is put on at the end of the season, a second meal taken care of.  It’s a start!

This weekend was a gathering of our Yuma fellowship folks. Last year David had the role of MC. He loved doing that type of thing and was very good at it. He could ad lib, add some laughs and just over all manage. He went all out in that he wore his tux for the Saturday night banquet. I posted a picture of us and will try to post it again here. The weekend and the picture made me both sad and happy. Many shared a word or two about David, his smile, his wonderfully positive attitude. He even got mentioned from the podium, you know he would have loved that. While I am devastated by his loss, it is a shared loss with so many others. Reminds me of the saying, sorrow shared is halved and joy shared is doubled. And this is the first time I’ve missed the motorhome! It would have been so nice to have it out in the parking lot like we did last year. I’d forgotten how convenient black top camping is!

It's hard to believe that it is just about 3 months in this new world. Thank you to those who are showing me the way. Thank you to those who are just listening to me. And just thank you.

Hello 2020

Hello 2020

Things are different these days, things I like are different. Used to watch agt (America’s got talent), judge the acts and the judges, was so excited to see Heidi back on the judges panel and wanted to tell David. We couldn’t wait for it to come on each week. Somehow the show has lost its appeal. I fast forwarded through most of the show. I missed the back and forth commentary with David. I’ve deleted future recordings off my DVR tv schedule.

I’m off to Disneyland, again! How crazy is that? You know the story of how I asked my sister to go to Disneyland with me after David passed so I could have a few days of “happiest place on earth” distraction. My sister was so sweet, she didn’t want to tell me that she already had her annual reservations to go with her friend in just a few weeks. Barb, my sister, and I went and had a great time. It was a perfect escape. Well fast forward and it’s time for Barb to head off to Disneyland again. Unfortunately, her friend is ill and unable to go.  Too late to cancel the room reservations so I’m left with no alternative but to go again! I mean, gotta be there for her, she was definitely there for me.

I’m attending a grief meeting. The biggest help is it confirms that I am not going crazy. My mind is foggy and forgetful. I’m fine and then suddenly I’m not. All normal, so they say. I am really blessed. I have so many friends who care and are continuing to be supportive during this time. Several have also lost spouses and say all the right things. None of our situations are the same but it’s the ole been there, done that. I know so many care and miss David too. His reach was far and wide. Thank you. I can’t say it enough.

This was just a quick update, I’ve been off social media but wanted you to know I’m okay!

See ya at Disneyland!