I’m back at the El Cajon family home. This became associated
with all things medical. Family home, yes, but I had never actually lived here.
My parents bought it right after I left home. (do I fill in with the story of
my getting married at 17 – not David). I never planned to live here. While
traveling, David and I did stay here occasionally. Sometimes in the motorhome
parked on the street (shhh); sometimes inside in the “real bed” – Rvers will get
that reference. But with David’s
diagnosis and the chemo treatments etc, this became “medical home” away from
home(s) the Yuma park model and the 24’ motorhome.
So we filled up the cupboards. Eventually we added special
food and new food and trial foods; to meet David’s declining appetite and
desire for food. This brings me to the box of pudding, not one but two.
Pudding, sugar free, was a favorite for David to make and eat. It was a nice
light, no sugar, desert. He would often whip up a batch and evenly divide into
4 servings for us to enjoy over the next two evenings. Now what am I to do? I
can figure out how to make it; but do I want pudding over four nights? Do I
even want pudding? It was really what I think of as a David desert. I lean
towards ice cream.
Another task that never made my master list. Hadn’t given
this need a thought. This house has my office supplies. Printing new address
labels, saving new files. This was yet another strange and somewhat difficult
task. As I needed to send an occasional mail, I cut off the DMA line and pasted
on the return label with just the street address. In an effort to move forward,
I pulled up the DMA address print file and back spaced; deleting “David &”.
Its almost a shock to the system; am I erasing David? Does he cease to exist as
I save over the old file and now have only my name? Because I have summer,
winter, legal domicile; I had to repeat three times; maybe that was to cement
it in my mind.
Here's a nice realization. For some reason I am able to read
and watch tv in the “man cave”. It’s the second bedroom that was set up for
David. It has comfort in the way of an electric bed; tv; view out the sliding
glass doors to the pergola and flowers in the back yard. A table that will hold
remotes and snacks. It makes me very happy because it is quite comfortable and
relaxing. I know that David got enjoyment from the room setting and
surroundings. He would often turn on one of the calm; meditative music channels
on the tv; eased him through his many naps. I’m grateful to know he had this
retreat.
I’ll end on a pleasant note by stopping here. Thanks for
allowing me to share my journey with you. Does anybody want some pudding?
