Learning to take care of me

 November 20, 2020 - magical birthday?

Leading up to my birthday which will be followed by the day David took flight to another dimension there was a bit of apprehension for me. One grief meeting talked about making plans for that day, even if you didn’t follow through to at least have a plan in place. That seemed like a good idea. I thought I’d start with planning my birthday day. An opportunity presented itself and I jumped at it; without giving it much thought. I intuitively knew it was the right thing to do. It gave me some days of planning; prepping; shopping. I gave it all a lot of attention, not because it was needed but because I could. I also made a bigger deal out of than was called for; again, because I could. The idea was to have one of our (park) coffee and donuts held at my site. Flyers were printed up (thanks Chuck); posting on FB and much talking about it in our Community Central Park. I got some ribbing and loved every minute of it. Most folks knew the back story of it being my first solo (sounds better than widowed) birthday with “that angel” date closely following. The morning came and I did set up in the dark! Forgot the sun doesn’t rise at 6 in the winter. Thanks Randy and Sheila for your help and contribution, and all others that helped in various ways or just showed up. Nearly everyone brought a card and even some gifts. I was really honored and even humbled that so many would take the time and trouble to wish me happy birthday. Thanks to the 136 people that showed up; all wearing masks and maintain social distancing (is it fake news if its in a blog) ok that last line contains a bit of exaggeration…

Later I was taken to lunch by some friends outside the park. Lunch and ice cream along with an entire carrot cake, my favorite with lots of icing (and she didn’t even know that). So if I haven’t fluffed up with the whole isolation thing, after today I made up for it. More walks up and down the park rows is now on the agenda.

I really can not express the warm, loved, blessed feelings I received today. There are not words, certainly not any that I know, that can begin to tell you how everyone past and present helped me through this day. I am so happy that I took the initiative to go out of my comfort zone and basically ask people to be there for me in a variety of ways. If I hadn’t stepped up, I very well could have spent the day alone and lonely. Instead I got an outpouring of love and not just today; it spilled over my whole “birthday week”. And biggest surprise, it turned out easy to do.

By the way, I received more than one puzzle and I’m excited to start any of them. I’ll do them in the order received. I wonder how folks knew puzzles would be a great gift! LOL

What’s the disclaimer about not leaving out thanks to anyone – insert here. 😊

Turning a memory from sad to happy-sad; more taking care of myself:

David and I used to watch the show Cold Case. In the theme song there was a moment of a loud long sound. We would always make the crazy sound together. Recently I discovered old shows on an obscure channel. I started re-watching Cold Case. Every time they played the theme song (that’d be every show), I would remember and visualize David making the odd sound. While out shopping with my sister recently I was sharing this experience with her. I tried to remind her of the theme and the sound. I made the sound and we both laughed so hard. I thought, she’s not getting it and I’d make the sound again. And again, we would laugh, we laughed until we cried.

I’m still watching some of these old reruns. Now when I hear the theme song, I have a warm feeling and a smile. A brief memory of my dear David and then the recent joy of laughing with my sister. I haven’t forgotten the shared moments with David, only enhanced them by adding a layer of a new memory.

Another hurdle, biggest day(?) will be here soon. Maybe I’ll reread all my birthday cards and focus on all that joy and otherwise let the day pass quietly. I’m busy finding out who Marilyn is on her own, who she grew up to be with a heavy touch of David H Anderson thrown in!

I’d like to end this with a clever tag line, but that is still a work in progress. Thank you all.

 

Yuma for the Winter

I’ve been here (Yuma tiny home) a week now, my tiny home for the winter, or so I’m planning. I’ve done the drive back and forth enough that it is routine; easy peasy. Another milestone for me as I previously considered myself not that fond of driving. As I drive, I always wonder what I might have forgotten and if any issues happened while I was away. Everything looked find.  I entered; I was met with an interesting discovery. David’s hat had fallen from its hook on the wall. I used those removable books to hang our hats and various other items around the house. Everything else was hanging as I’d hung them. David’s hat was lying on the bookcase top below where it had hung next to my hat (still hanging).

Does it mean something? These hats were hung in a handy place, ready to grab as we go out the door. Many photos and memories of David wearing his tilly. I always got a kick out of how upset David would get with people out hiking the trails with no head covering, especially kids. That was a big deal to him. Also have a great photo of him and his dad side by side wearing their tillys looking very much alike and happy out in the Anza Borrego desert.

Maybe David’s just saying hello and welcome home or maybe its time to put his hat in the closet or donate for more memories to be created. Maybe it’s just one more step forward. I don’t need to see his hat hanging for a reminder, the memories are there with or without a physical reminder. And it doesn’t really make an interesting or attractive wall decoration. 😊

As far as being in Yuma, this is the right place for now. This is the community life that works while I need this extra distraction and people to chat with just about any time of the day or night. The activities are nonexistent for now. Which means my activities treasurer job is about the same, nonexistent. However, gatherings and fun still occur. The park had a really fun Halloween gold cart parade with treats and costume judging in Central Park afterwards. Central Park was an unused area in the park that has been turned into a gathering space with “lawn” and tables, etc. There were a lot of laughs and I really enjoyed myself; meeting and reacquainting with neighbors. I am also putting forth effort to get out and walk the park roads once or twice a day; sometimes it turns into visiting and not so much walking but that’s good for the soul. (don’t worry about my ability to social distance, I know how)

This Friday is coffee and donuts. I’m not really big on donuts but will have my share of coffee and taking notes because as a birthday present to myself I’m having coffee and donuts at my site on the 20^th. I’ll be a young 69 years old, is that amazing or what. I’m doing it to continue to become part of the community and fellowship of the park and to acknowledge the “last first”. This is the last holiday/event that I will be celebrating “alone” for the first time. It’s hard to grasp that a mere 5 days later will be the first angel-versay of David’s passing. (I continue to try out different words and terms until I find something that feels right in expressing what I feel – probably won’t happen).

My celebration of David’s life begins with the gathering (you know he loved having people around) and will continue by doing thoughtful things for others. Maybe a special, unexpected gift or some act of kindness given to pass along caring and sharing, no matter how large or small. Perhaps as we enter the holiday season you could commemorate David by passing along some of your own “random acts of kindness”.

Thanks for reading and trudging the road with me.